Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson: Dead. Farrah Fawcett: Dead.

Perez Hilton. Alive.

The world is a dark, cruel and evil place sometimes.

The day is June 25th, 2009.

Two big name celebrities- a sex icon and a the king of pop- died on this day.

R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett - Thanks for Charlies Angels, Jiggle TV and most importantly, "The Poster"(which has grown more hairy palms than any picture or poster in the world). Ill pass that poster down to every future generation to come (I had to respell that last word).

R.I.P. Michael Jackson - Thanks for the Moonwalk and Thriller. You can keep the rest with you in Heaven where there are plenty of children and hotel room balcony's for everyone. Heaven is a place where everybody has a perfect nose.

On a serious note, go buy stock in big name poster companies. That Farrah Fawcett poster will sell a bunch in the coming week.

-Toph

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

FML Book

Fmylife.com has published the FML book.



Why wouldn't I want to drive to a bookstore and spend $10 on something that I can get for free without leaving the house?

Fail.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Summer is Here

So time to catch up. I went through my phone and uploaded some of the newest finds in my travels. Let's get you up to speed.

First off, I worked at the SJES Cardinella event back in March at the Disneyland Hotel. I went to the bathroom and this was how it looked from the inside.



The outside gives the appearance of having a completely private stall. Not the case. Disney got a big room, put in stalls and then added individual doors on the outside. GG Disney.

The other cool thing was an item that was up for bid.



Signed ball by Reggie Wayne of the Indianapolis Colts. It was cheap too. But they wouldn't let me bid on it. Lame.

School recently wrapped up and summer is here. Here are a few things that happened at the end of the semester that are hilarious.

First off, food during finals time is great. You should always start your day off with a good breakfast.



For lunch, have Mexican food.



Huge Burrito. Nom nom nom.

Have a salad for dinner. But not just a salad. A salad of EPIC proportions.



If you are a college student at a Cal State school, then you are familiar with the end of semester teacher evaluations. In my field video production class, I was asked to lead the evaluations and turn them in for the teacher. This is my evaluation. I worked hard on it.



A few weeks before the end of the semester I started spreading this joke. I would write on my ankle that "This is where girls get impulsive tattoos" and I would draw a heart. In fact, take a look for yourself.



I probably wrote this on my ankle for a week and showed countless friends. Of course I got some laughs, but I was the one who got the ultimate chuckle when I showed my friend (and stalker) Stephanie. She responded by showing me her ankle.



Pwned.

I also started a new job at the Coto de Caza Country Club waiting tables and hopefully transitioning into a bar tending role. I have seen some cool people in my short time there. I saw one of the housewives from The Real Housewives of Orange County, Ronald McDonald (CEO of McDonald's) and most exciting, Teemu Selanne from the Anaheim Ducks. I tried to snap a photo of him but it came out blurry.



Blue shirt, white pants. Blurry, but I swear its him.

Also, I discovered the funniest shredder. Check this thing out.







If I can't use this to shred my ties, paperclips, hands and female heads...where am I going to fill all those shredding needs?!?

By the way, this is the shittiest way to wake up. This is happening on my driveway. Before 8 a.m. FML.



Lastly, this is my dog. She is depressed. Can you tell?



Well I was going to save a lot of this material and fill up a few blog posts but I decided to unload and catch up on life. More to come soon. Also I am going to begin a new blog for reviews. Lets see how that madness goes.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Target = Fail

I went to Target the other day and pulled into a parking space. I looked at my surroundings. At this moment, I decided that dumb people shop at Target. Or that Target is a stupid place. This is why.



This was parked in the space to my right. An office chair. That makes sense.



Then this guy was parked to my left. Nice paint job and rims on this piece of shit car. What a pimp.



And my favorite was parked right in front of me. This new age hippie (and I say that in the nicest way possible) had her "OM" sticker upside down. For those of you who don't know what this sticker is, it is the symbol that is supposed to represent the "Sound of the Universe". People who meditate and Yogi's are very into this sound and symbol. You are so trendy and enlightened with your Meditative symbol that is upside down. Moron.

Target has never let me down when it comes to stupid people.